Many couples argue and often try to put the fighting behind them by having “make-up sex.” But is this a good habit to get into or will it lead right back down the same dead-end street? Most make-up sex is bad news because it reinforces all of the emotional drama associated with the fighting. The root of this type of sexual relations is extremely negative feelings during a heated argument.
These couples, wanting to switch gears to the opposite end of the spectrum, often crave intimacy and wind up having make-up sex to quell the mutual bad feelings that are presiding over the relationship at that moment.
Not Resolving Issues
By replacing an honest talk with make-up sex, the couple avoids a healthy discussion about the relationship. Couples who do this are actually doing their relationship a disservice. They eventually miss the thrill of make-up sex and subconsciously start fights just so they can be “solved” with make-up sex.
If one partner feels unable to communicate with the other about anything serious without starting a fight, the simplest solution often seems to be just tabling those hurt feelings. This, in turn, leads to resentment, more bad feelings, and ultimately an unhealthy relationship.
Rehashing Old Arguments
By bringing up or making jabs related to an old argument, a couple is doomed to never move past it. This is a very unhealthy habit that ensures a never-ending feud – especially if the argument was already resolved. Bringing up the past after already coming to an understanding indicates to a partner that previous resolutions don’t mean anything to the relationship – leaving no incentive for either partner to attempt reconciliation in the future. If you resort to make-up sex instead of resolving your issues, you’re likely to face the same arguments all over again.
Making Excuses
Instead of lying about the reason for a fight, making up a flimsy excuse, and engaging in make-up sex, sit and have a frank discussion about how the argument started and why it led to a fight. Making excuses just covers up the truth underneath, which eventually comes out anyway. Honest communication will get you much further in the long run than any make-up sex ever could. Sex-based on truthful communication has a much better chance of being a loving, satisfying experience.
Professional Help for Your Relationship in New Jersey
If you and your partner are mired in make-up sex and avoiding that all-important talk, reach out to our professional counselors at Advanced Psychology Partners. We offer a full range of couples and singles counseling to help resolve a multitude of issues.
Call us at (973) 743-2990, or schedule a complimentary meet & greet using our form online to see how we can help you and your relationship.
